Right Click
APPRECIATE FRIENDSHIP
sometimes you say or do bad things while you’re in an awful mental place. sometimes you say things that are rude or uncalled for or manipulative. and i’m not going to hold that against you. mental illness is hard, and no one is perfect. but once you’re through that episode, you need to take steps to make amends. you need to apologize.
“i couldn’t help it, i was having a bad episode” is a justification, not an apology.
“i’m so fucking sorry, i fucked up, i don’t deserve to live, i should stop talking to anyone ever, i should die” is a second breakdown and a guilt trip. it is not an apology.
when you apologize, the focus should be on the person you hurt. “i’m sorry. i did something that was hurtful to you. even if i was having a rough time, you didn’t deserve to hear that,” is a better apology. if it was a small thing, you can leave it at that.
if you caused significant distress to the other person, this is a good time to talk about how you can minimize damage in the future. and again, even if it is tempting to say you should self-isolate and/or die, that is not a helpful suggestion. it will result in the person you’re talking to trying to talk you out of doing that, which makes your guilt the focus of the conversation instead of their hurt.
you deserve friendship, and you deserve support. but a supportive friend is not an emotional punching bag, and mental illness does not absolve you of responsibility for your actions. what you say during a mental breakdown doesn’t define you. how you deal with the aftermath though, says a lot.
This is the most carefully-nuanced discussion of this I think I have ever seen. Thank you for writing this.
friendly reminder that having high self esteem is a GOOD THING and its not COOL OR TRENDY TO HATE YOURSELF having no self esteem is the worst and just bc a lot of people on this website arent very happy w themselves doesnt mean its cool or trendy so please try ur hardest to feel good about yourself bc its the best feeling in the world to have self confidence (☆^ー^☆)
self-confidence, i’m realizing, is a lot deeper than just thinking i’m beautiful and being free in who i am. it also includes being confident in my decisions and trusting myself to be committed to the things i want to do. to step outside of my comfort zone and assure myself that i will be okay in doing so. this kind of self-confidence will help me see the success i want to see.
Krystal? [laughs awkwardly] Oh, she, uh, she represents the mindset I started out with. It’s because–because, uh, I-I learned a lot from watching her. Oh, it’s hot in here [starts fanning self] I–yeah, she represents my original mindset–whew, it’s really hot! [fans self more furiously]
I am calm. I am calm. It is the calm before something awful: The yellow minute before the wind walks, when the leaves turn up their hands, their pallors. It is so quiet here. I am dumb and brown. I am a seed about to break. The brownness is my dead self, and it is sullen; It does not wish to be more, or different.
if you call me cute i’ll probably fall in love with you because self esteem issues
If you want to kill yourself, kill what you don’t like. I had an old self that I killed. You can kill yourself too, but that doesn’t mean you got to stop living.